Sunday, July 26, 2020
Disturbed
They keep desensitizing me.
Plus, they are all over timing how the page loads when I'm online anytime, to send bad news and such.
Messed Up People
These people are messed up, and of course that's just putting it lightly, as an understatement.
"Doo Dee Doo!"
She supposedly likes to take away things from me like it is no big deal if I have a controversy with people hating on me, while I look stupid being told it will get better. It's even things that have nothing to do with her that hurt my life. Things just don't seem to matter about me now. If I post about a personal hurt, it seems as though she assumes I'm sassing her back. Some of this is a big deal. I grew up with people accepting me, not sure "what got into" people now. I pretty much get in trouble just for posting here.
Feeling Bad
It turns out the older lady I like was just pretending to be nice to me because someone supposedly sneaked up on me and felt as though permanently hurt me... If I mattered, this wouldn't happen.
Hurt
I'm feeling like I'm permanently hurt because of something to do with people wanting an older lady I like. They tease me if I think there was a reason possibly to work with them. They think I owe them my life. They probably do that to make security for themselves, eating away at me because they think I'm the center of attention in a way.
Oh, I mean I was upset how the older lady I like seems to have been trying to trick me and hurt me for thinking I'm cool.
Being Bubbly?
Some people don't have to do a sport like gymnastics to be well-liked, like maybe if they are female and born around 1959.
Win / Lose
It seems that blondes win over some people who dark hair in being able to be seen as energetic and bubbly.
Is there a problem?
It seems someone is really messing with me, like I'm not good enough for someone.
Confusing
The older lady I like they say is just ruining herself and calling off our important relationship.
Well?
Let's save time and not argue over if something is better for her or better for me, like we have problems, and assume the answer is one thing that benefits her and doesn't kill me.
Too Much Lingering on Whatever Is Too Bad
My dad acted like the older lady I like wasn't under stress, but she is, so he gave me too much time to think about it because he won't stop. I go out to see him and be friendly, but he always hurts my feelings and bothers me.
"Guilty Party"
So, what? You want me to accept the things other people do bad like others said it too? and if upset about being bossed around - well, that's just my achievement.
Being Stupid
The people monitoring me in private may have said the older lady I like said all the bad things they seemed to do that could heal with a reason were, which I said all along, just there to hurt me and punish me for no reason. COME ON I SAID I SAID IT ALL ALONG.
BECAUSE
So, why did my dad drill in my head something I coped with? He announced an older lady I like did something inappropriately stimulating. I dealt with it, but still he bothered me in some way, that just escaped my mind. I just had to get the facts straight in my head.
Unimpressed
My relatives, some, are rarely amazed with me, but I don't know these people well enough if there's anything to know.
Naturally
They act like if I'm quiet it'll be better, but it's not so I have to do something about it anyway.
What???
The older lady suggested her feeling more popular than me all over the world means she cares about me. I was cut off by other people acting like it was her.
Ignored, Lied To
They are pretending to take things that they think give me inappropriate pleasure to an older lady I was supposed to have a relationship with, and somehow people think she's too good for me now she is famous.
I think they said she took back what she said like I did something, like I'm bad to suggest what she used to, something that's not perverted people do to her.
Not Getting Attention
So, I'm selfish to dislike this, but an older lady I like is getting all the attention and no one cares because they think it hurts me.
Too Much Torture
People think I'm impatient to expect things to be okay and me not find myself singled out to have my life ruined.
Messing Around
People keep messing with me.
Someone has a grudge on me like there's something wrong with me.
I didn't even do it.
My dad was seriously rubbing something the wrong way thinking it proves I'm bad because I was okay before his elaboration, which did happen.
Hurt
This is shit. I just keep getting beat up by an older lady I like through "messengers" and then they say they didn't do it.
So, it's true...
So, people are lying I get treated nastily as a precaution others will know and not be nice about my relationship with an older lady I like.
Messing Around
Supposedly, an older lady I like did something perverted because she wanted to bother me, like it's it, it's over, and it's because I did something wrong (and I didn't.)
It seemed bound to be doomed. People just single me out to test me, to examine my past, find fault in weird things, and then everyone else gets to have her instead but not me because they weren't good like me like they would get their love, too.
I have "freedom of speech." ...
Remote Control
I hear maybe other people are taking someone after I met them and was supposed to have a relationship with them and inappropriately being able to stimulate them. They say it's my punishment, but it's just shit and I didn't do shit. People keep bossing me around and acting like I am wrong and boss them around, but I don't, see? I can do whatever I want, too. I don't really answer to anyone.
Saturday, July 25, 2020
Fun Things to Think About That Has to Be, Has to Be a Part of My Life, in a Way
So, first someone said they were good with someone else more than others for standing back.
But, then, it's a fight 'til it's "right" Collecting approval constantly sometimes from others who don't get much that they want, maybe what she has. Asking them if it's okay. "Stalling for time." "Beating around the bush." Not afraid of others though, just like someone else. Not trying to be mean but incredibly bored here. It's okay to have such a relationship, but I wonder what everyone else is doing here.
It seems everyone else is talking about it, though, telepathically, and I feel misrepresented.
School
I am happy I can use my mom's MacBook instead of buying another laptop for school. I'll have to get it disinfected or do it myself. Now, I can use my money for more things.
Friday, July 24, 2020
Question
Are we supposed to follow and be like this girl's hot mom? or will people like us for who we are?
Unimpressed
People with older moms think I'm not impressive but like people my mom's age.
You can't take this seriously. They act like I'm a demon.
Weirdos
So, people were mean to me and wouldn't accept me for no reason maybe and now think I'm not as practiced in communicating and being impressive and able to be accepted somehow. Good people don't have those prerequisites. I am a good person.
School
I might not need to buy a new laptop and can use my mom's. Maybe, I can spend money on other things, like some shirts I like and a cheap homemade bin cage for my hamster.
Bleached Hair
I'm bleaching my hair again.
I want it straight and light. I'll get a keratin treatment maybe next month.
When?
People tried to put a halt on my life to get further ahead than they were before and try to act like I'm nothing.
Like I'm Some Hollywood Freak
Why am I the place to gather for punishment and people following funny codes to fill my days, which may never matter more, as a suggestion?
Out of the Game?
There are no rising classical musicians or composers in the US because they are racially corrupt.
In Any Special Order
So, first, you ask the daughter of an attractive etc. lady if they want her and if not then others get to try out?
Problem
People want to get in the way so I don't succeed changing my instrument to violin because they are jealous...
People want to say it's my fault rather than like be happy about people who started piano as an adult.
Freaking out Constantly About Me
Why do people single me out in bad ways and freak out about every little thing I do in my unfair, hard social life? Unless it's like someone no one wants to talk to then. So, people must also have it set up that way, to make people I like be harassed when I get to interact with them.
(continued)
I guess they had it coming. Parents don't have anything to live for, and so they hurt others ad take from them socially.
Baby Boomers? They thought they could keep caring about their children's generation, but the generation older than Baby Boomers put an end to that. Also, Baby Boomers are supposed to care about people born before 1985, too. 😑
Harrassment
Parents are easily swayed by their children. Who else?
They convince them to go against others and make them unhappy.
It's not everyone else's fault!
People are always skirting around making excuses for their kids to get attention and be liked while others are hated even if they don't deserve to be.
"A HA!"
People make nothing of the internet like there's no time to be successful at work and also post online because they know they won't be the most popular. They are waiting until others suffer and can't feel as good online; when others suffer and don't feel as good online, then others want to start using it to their end.
"Your Place to Say" or Not?
What do you think of people who want to sit back and do things with others in a situation yet not say much ... but when someone does get mad?
Message Board Post by Me
Topic by Me
etc.?
Like, that favorite teacher, maybe a music teacher?
Also, what do you think of how some kids match and are good people and could have a good relationship with people like favorite teachers, and then bad, out-of-place people act up and ruin it all? Today, people say younger people can't like older mentor-like figures, like a favorite teacher, because bad people will all act out like everyone wants to have that relationship and how there probably isn't enough time for everyone … and so make sure no one gets it because they know it wasn't for them then?
Message Board Post by Me
Are you like your parents?
…and do others think so?
I know how everyone in the US is obsessed with how their younger siblings are babyish and suck ups, but they forgot about comparing kids to their parents too and not just their younger siblings.
There's something crazy going around about being like your parents when you don't want to become that way.
Thursday, July 23, 2020
DeviantArt
Colored Pencil
Kindle Unlimited
“How to Draw for Kids” - “Children Art Book Vol. 1”
(C) 2020 - Max Fun
Kindle Unlimited
“How to Draw for Kids” - “Children Art Book Vol. 1”
(C) 2020 - Max Fun
Appreciative
While it seems I should only be appreciative of the older lady I like, I get depressed she's not that open with me like with others, like people from my life she knows about. It happens in hurtful ways, like when I'm more vulnerable and don't know it. Then, people get on my case and won't leave things be.
Too Many People
I'm not getting what I deserve because bad people want to take it, things like nostalgia for old days.
"A Disturbance in the Force"
If the older lady I like is all that in a certain way ... I forget what I was going to say ... oh yes, if she gets slack that she isn't really "all that" (but still gets more pleasure than others,) why does she have fame and popularity over me now? It's not helping anyone. She's "one more" famous person. She didn't make everyone else famous through all this and popular.
People are like a herd of cattle, and if I notice something funny about her in these hard ways of communicating with my dad always threateningly mad at me ... does not mean everyone has to notice it and act on it like it's better that way, probably just ruining my relationship with her and maybe acting like she'll get more pleasure because she is popular but also after/through me in some ways.
I'm upset she may die someday, not a big life ahead, and people getting involved in bad ways is not helping. I feel teased. Come on, the whole world wants her.
They took advantage of me.
No one "gets it."
Someone I like a lot is there with people monitoring me in private being mean to me ... this person I like a lot, an older lady, who seemed smart and nice actually can't seem to get past blocks of thinking and keeps acting like it's smart to have already detected that my younger girl cousin is gonna get what I deserve like it's her business ... and this older lady actually went in and acted like my cousin was better.
"No one cares about me."
There are people monitoring me in private, and an older lady I like supposedly can punish me (for no reason) and it is like she is set to end our relationship.
College
I guess I may just go to college and not work or do ballet. I graduate this semester.
I don't have money to take ballet classes to prepare for an audition, though I may go in and take classes.
Work would also take up time and is not beneficial to my health like ballet.
I am living on SSI and may move into a group home.
Used and Abused and Confused
People won't admit they made a mistake here and just want all this social drama that's hard on me.
Devalued
People think because others are bad that that changes my life because people say it was unfair I was good and that that's the only reason I get anything.
Gyped
People are mean to me and singling me out and acting like other people are better, at my expense.
People want to act like I'm in trouble when I'm a very good person and otherwise not associate with me as intensely.
Wednesday, July 22, 2020
I can see where this could be coming from.
The Phantom of the Opera's famous organ part is like candy or a lollipop for the organ.
I know a lot ... of songs.
I can sing most of "Gethsemane" from Jesus Christ Superstar, among a whole lot of other Broadway songs.
The 2 Big B's
Andrew Lloyd Webber is more like Bach than Beethoven, as they both played organ I know.
Pop Music
Broadway is labeled pop because it's also simpler than classical music. Well, more in the middle of pop and classical, not sure the exact coordinates.
DeviantArt
Ducks
Colored Pencil
Kindle Unlimited
“How to Draw for Kids” - “Children Art Book Vol. 1”
(C) 2020 - Max Fun
Tuesday, July 21, 2020
Monday, July 20, 2020
Sports Mask
I can wear a mask if I have to. Last time, no one did, but we were at least tested for a fever by measuring the temperature of our forehead.
So...
I'm gonna go to ballet until it's time to start and sign up and audition at that school. I'm going to where they have some adult ballet classes running.
New Plan
Instead of getting my AA, I think I'm gonna take ballet and audition to be in The Nutcracker in a ballet company at a school for all ages and levels. I guess I'll just hang in there until I need to move to a group home. I'm also practicing violin.
Message Board Post by Me
What do you think about other posters here? People in general?
Well, I think most would unfriend me for gossiping about them if I "said" anything.
Most people here pretty much get what they can expect, but I feel people single me out like I'm bad. The people with more European heritage seem to all be mean to me.
A Job Done
They (the people on the message board with heritage from Europe) don't draw as much attention to themselves usually but they always feel right like they've proven me to be shit.
Hateful Europeans Online
All the people with heritage from Europe are spiteful to me on a message board, like it's serious and I'm just a joke.
Sunday, July 19, 2020
Fishing in America
I guess non-Americans want to be in league with Americans of an older generation. Does that leave me free to move to Europe/Germany?
Working
I've applied for 2 desk jobs, I think as a greeter. I was a greeter for Easter Bunny pictures in 2019, at the mall. It's to support myself in college, like apartment, food, necessities, etc.
Saturday, July 18, 2020
Uh-Oh
I don't like being someone who people once liked only to say wow to someone else and throw me out.
It's like, if you liked me you'll love this person even better, forever.
"Lame Excuse"
It seems like people might be having their kids as not as ideal so they can say they say they had it unfair and take from me.
Friday, July 17, 2020
Thursday, July 16, 2020
Sickening
It's sick how some people get in my business who are up to no good and never talk to or pay attention to me.
Race - All the Same?
People want to treat every person the same according to their non-White race. They think some look too non-White and the ones who are more White should be less White and not good compared to them.
Message Board Post by Me
Topic by Me
We all tie a lot to our past and culture/heritage, gives us all out emotions and hopes. It might seem more pertinent to non-Whites, but, like I said, we all have it. People can go on and on; just mention an ethnicity, and it works. For non-Whites, we all see the world with different kinds of spite for giving us the cold shoulder in ways that don't make sense in specific ways. It's a part of our lives, like it or not, and that's why we talk about it. People don't get in the way of Whites as much as the other way around, as far as I know. It's just that way of ignoring cultures but wanting to suck out the life of what they have that's special, important, etc., those feelings they subconsciously cling to.
"No! No! No!"
I don't want the world to turn into the mentality of my relatives.
I'm not here to be a social slave that hangs out ignored.
Over
I keep thinking the problems will stop one day. I'm guessing I'll take legal action if it follows me when I move out?
Is this true?
So, if you someone is related to you or you're a certain young age you get them as an adult mentor first dibs no matter what you and others do collectively?
I need to talk to people, too, if you do!
How can you figure you're worth something and say if I interact I'm nothing?
Playing Along With the Crowd - Not for Me
It's interesting how people who received a proper education of encouragement in violin growing up know they are slaves to the orchestra and may play "follow the leader." I know the music myself and play "follow the leader" more than most people, instead of going along with the crowd.
Well, what?
So, pretty much an older lady I like brought exploitation and emotional exposure on herself heavily around the earth.
Wednesday, July 15, 2020
What a Joke
I unfairly had to quit my music major, and people think that means I'm nothing and I also forgot about music, but I still have taste. In fact, I've been singing and found a new instrument.
Ignored, Not Talked to Much
People wait to "hear me out" only to try to feel on top of me when I'm "done."
Singled out, Bad Luck
People are trying to say I am worse than everyone else or just one in a crowd, when I think I am just a normal person.
Trap, Used to It
So, first people like to try me out and plan on blaming me, saying something about what I do socially they don't like, and everyone agrees.
"Hard to Get?"
A lot of people work hard to get my attention, but some people I like a lot get distracted and blame me for things socially. What does that mean?
A "Slave?"
So, you need my attention and then you need me to be a slave while you give other people attention?
Ever feel like this?
"When first I saw you,
I saw beauty,
And I blinded my eyes
For fear that I should weep.
When first I heard you,
I heard sweetness,
And I turned away,
For fear of my weakness.
I blinded my eyes,
My face I turned away,
I hardened my heart.
For fear of my ruin."
Tuesday, July 14, 2020
Is this another cry of war?
Scandinavia is being inappropriate. They think we need to baby Germany, when Germany and the rest of the world is supposed to baby the US. Scandinavians are busy there in Europe altering the situation. They might think they did a neat job of it, but what about them they don't have another country further north like they need one to keep them going? Some mixed Scandinavian Germans seem to be assertive and maybe go a little dizzy at some point. At least, I can think of one example, for sure. What's the point? No one is "there for" us. We can't go dizzy like that. That's why people do things like cut themselves and maybe commit suicide in the end for maybe some other reason.
Rude
How rude is it to appeal to someone like they made a small mistake for reasons they don't care about?
Cause of Racism Is Racism
People pretend I'm bad because they're racist and say that means they can be racist to me secretly.
Jesus - Sensitive
Did you ever think of how hard Jesus had it as he was a person and learned to be sensitive enough to do things like tell that Judas would betray him?
Learning Guitar
I have a pink electric guitar.
I am inspired to do sacred music and singing with it.
The piano should make it easy for what I want to do.
I am learning it note by note. I will probably also learn chords, maybe later.
So, it's not plugged in but still works out for me.
My Family Is Torn Apart! and Half Dead
Why are some families acting like they were inadequate and getting shifty with me?
What are you people doing?
Think of all the trouble I have from this. This has been a disgrace and you don't have to all listen to my dad like he told you to do it
Inconvenient?
So, are all the other good people fighting the older lady I like for supposedly doing this, exploiting herself after she said she was against it and would have a relationship of some sort with me? Hey, she has a family, so she's not a recluse.
So...
You can only mess up an older lady I like and not make anyone happy other than that my life is ruined.
"Jesus, I am overjoyed
To meet You face to face
You've been getting quite a name
All around the place
Healing cripples
Raising from the dead
And now I understand You're God
At least that's what You've said
So You are the Christ
You're the great Jesus Christ
Prove to me that You're divine
Change my water into wine
That's all You need do
And I'll know it's all true
C'mon King of the Jews
Jesus, You just won't believe
The hit You've made around here
You are all we talk about
The wonder of the year
Oh, what a pity
If it's all a lie
Still I'm sure that You can rock
The cynics if You try
So if You are the Christ
You're the great Jesus Christ
Prove to me that You're no fool
Walk across my swimming pool
If You do that for me
Then I'll let You go free
C'mon, King of the Jews
I only ask things I'd ask any superstar
What is it that You have got
That puts You where You are?
I am waiting, yes, I'm a captive fan
I'm dying to be shown
That You are not just any man
So if You are the Christ
Yes, the great Jesus Christ
Feed my household with this bread
You can do it on Your head
Or has something gone wrong?
Why do You take so long?
Come on, King of the Jews
Hey, aren't You scared of me, Christ?
Mr. Wonderful Christ
You're a joke, You're not the Lord
You are nothing but a fraud
Take Him away
He's got nothing to say
Get out, You King of the, get out
Get out, You King of the Jews
Get out, You King of the Jews
Get out of my life"
Music Appreciation
People traditionally trust I have the organ, but I at least have an inspiration from it.
Quote
"EVERY TIME I LOOK AT YOU I DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why you let the things you did get so out of hand
You'd have managed better if you'd had it planned"
Why you let the things you did get so out of hand
You'd have managed better if you'd had it planned"
"Personal Space"
Why are people trying to affect my life in ways that are none of their business? If they are held back and don't do some things,is up to them and not of my fault if gone wrong.
Detectives
Early Generation X is like a baby thermometer. Oh, is it 1991, is it 1997... Just forget the children who are already born?!
Monday, July 13, 2020
Message Board Post by Me
(film|boards)
I am still interested in that stuff, though I must admit like when I took the driver education classes I didn't look at the blood and to be honest have not seen much.
Yes, I am so sad for my mom's sake. She just got her Master's in Human Resources, I think, at a high ranked college. Her Bachelor's in Indonesia was ESL and later here International Relations I think. She was born in 1959 and was only 59.
I don't know if it interests you, but in Hospice it was touching to see like old black people in the beds, a nice place. I think I remember like one was tall and skinny.
In the hospital, my mom ripped the nose thing from her nose, my dad said when I was sleeping at home. He said she did that and said, "I want to die." She did Chinese and Indian exercise and my dad said talked a lot to the Indian group I think, so she probably died sooner. I didn't even get to give her a last hug, which I have not hugged my parents much my life, after I was in puberty it seems. My mom stopped, and I stopped it seems. I thought my mom would have fun with me that night. Instead, I held her hand when she had to move to clean going to the bathroom, not gross at all.
Thanks so much for your sympathy.
I am still interested in that stuff, though I must admit like when I took the driver education classes I didn't look at the blood and to be honest have not seen much.
Yes, I am so sad for my mom's sake. She just got her Master's in Human Resources, I think, at a high ranked college. Her Bachelor's in Indonesia was ESL and later here International Relations I think. She was born in 1959 and was only 59.
I don't know if it interests you, but in Hospice it was touching to see like old black people in the beds, a nice place. I think I remember like one was tall and skinny.
In the hospital, my mom ripped the nose thing from her nose, my dad said when I was sleeping at home. He said she did that and said, "I want to die." She did Chinese and Indian exercise and my dad said talked a lot to the Indian group I think, so she probably died sooner. I didn't even get to give her a last hug, which I have not hugged my parents much my life, after I was in puberty it seems. My mom stopped, and I stopped it seems. I thought my mom would have fun with me that night. Instead, I held her hand when she had to move to clean going to the bathroom, not gross at all.
Thanks so much for your sympathy.
"Jesus Christ Superstar"
Andrew Lloyd Webber did play organ, as I suspected, so this is good for the church.
The beginning, a little after the middle, and near the end sound like good pre-Baroque music... which music long ago that was more serious/hard maybe or funded was religious.
"Give and Take"
The better it gets, the more they "give and take," take.
Is that my identity? I'm like a trap that sits and waits for its prey! Something must be said of this. Perhaps, you wish there was another, better way, if possible? What would happen if you waited for the prey from someone else? So, if you're good, it's better for more less good people, as you think we are not just different but moral conflicts? So, if anyone else is better, this would happen to them? I think people are all different, and there are plenty of prestigious people we can find, like "Up North." I am considered special in ways I'm not and because people thought they found I believed I was, had an ego, etc., at least secretly on the inside. That's sick and racist.
"Harry Potter"
Andrew Lloyd Webber reminds me of Harry Potter, which is a good thing! well in some ways. ... I just realized they are both English!
I didn't start, you started it.
People keep pretending I start a telepathic fight. I don't even really attack or fight much back.
Ever since...
...I felt in trouble a certain time, which I usually feel for private sorta reasons maybe, the pores on my face got visible, like my parents's! I wonder if I was considered shit because of that... thereon out. Like, I remember for instance an attractive choir director and organ teacher, seemed like she overshadowed me, with her hair bleached white, a newly-millionaire husband, allowed to direct a choir without knowing how to sing and conduct from the organ, got a doctorate in Music in Organ Performance I think ... I had great aspirations and was cordial and entertaining ...
Did you deserve it-
How can Germans be so picky about what others do if they themselves can be so mean?
My Parents
It feels like people won't excuse me for what my parents are like in different ways, though I try to take the best of both when something has to do with them, though I do not believe I am necessarily like them.
Message Board Post by Me
(film|boards)
Topic by Me
Kids? Why or Why Not?
I'm not popular enough like some people that anyone would give a care. I'm also not into this new generation.
Sunday, July 12, 2020
People Who Can't Find
If you're multi-talented and involved in activities in high school, why can't you be successful after, too? It's all about knowing what you want to be young and focusing on that, people who can't find.
Message Board Post by Me
(film|boards)
Topic by Me
How did you get into pop music?
We watched musicals my 1st year of junior high, 6th grade.
I got into Titanic in early 1998, that year, and I was 11 years old.
Of course, the clothes I wore changed. When we left Florida that year, I started wearing women's clothes, like plaid country shirts but not money to get much.
Topic by Me
How did you get into pop music?
We watched musicals my 1st year of junior high, 6th grade.
I got into Titanic in early 1998, that year, and I was 11 years old.
Of course, the clothes I wore changed. When we left Florida that year, I started wearing women's clothes, like plaid country shirts but not money to get much.
As we speak
people are finding new ways to see or pretend to prove me to be a bad person, when I'm really nice and well-behaved, etc.
"Beautiful," Prestigious, Mixed-European, Child-Celeb Girls!
Tiger Woods's Daughter
- Dad -
father - African-American
maternal grandfather - Thai
maternal grandmother - Dutch, Chinese
- Mom -
Swedish?
Johnny Depp's Daughter
- Dad -
English, along with small amounts of Irish, Scots-Irish/Northern Irish, Scottish, Welsh, French, French-Canadian, Dutch, Flemish Belgian, and German, as well as 3/2048 African (1st freed Black woman)
- Mom -
French, 1/64th Italian
Tim Burton's Daughter
- Dad -
father - English, Scottish, German, remote Dutch and French
mother - Norwegian, Swedish, Croatian, possibly German
- Mom -
dad - 50% English
mom - 37.5% Ashkenazi Jewish, 6.25% Spanish, 6.25% likely Irish and French
"Good job!"
I feel like things have turned around. Nothing I do is brilliant to some people or inciting or evoking.
I feel people are getting popular for things I've already done, like how they act and some of how others perceive them.
Is there not enough room in the world for all of us?
Saturday, July 11, 2020
"Something in Common"
Young adults have something in common with teenagers, at least for people in this day and age, my generation, Generation XY, looking with something in common with the age of a teenager I mean.
German Cross Identification
I wonder why Germans and German-Americans have a bone to pick with me racially like I did something when they marry or identify with Scottish, Italians, Scandinavians, etc. It should make sense for them to identify with Scandinavians, pretty easily, if anyone. I probably, besides being 1/2 Chinese/Asian, have French, Dutch, and other things in my changing DNA results. I think my side came from possibly they said someone who had both French and Dutch before marrying German, something that seems like that I mean. What are they really trying to say to the average American about how German they are? I mean all this but not relating to the normal American who has some German some Irish or something.
Coronavirus and Classical Music
It will be hard being interested in classical music with coronavirus, especially as a struggling music student.
Does anything really matter or make sense?
What really matters? Is it a contest to see who "makes it" rather than who deserves it? Like getting positive attention socially.
What I Wish I Did
I took art since my first year of high school for 2 years, Talented Music my 2nd and 3rd year, and Talented Theater my 3rd year; plus, I was in a lot of clubs, like drama, Laureate (creative writing,) etc.
Year 1
1 - English 2 (Honors)
2 - Geometry (Honors)
3 - Biology (Honors)
4 - Career Orientation / Civics
5 - French 1
6 - JROTC 1
7 - Band - Oboe
AFTER SCHOOL - Violin
Year 2
1 - English 3 (AP/Gifted)
2 - Algebra 2 (Gifted)
3 - Chemistry (Honors)
4 - World History (Honors?)
5 - German 1
6 - JROTC 2
7 - Band - Oboe
AFTER SCHOOL - Violin
Year 3
1 - English 4 (AP/Gifted)
2 - Advanced Math / Trigonometry (AP/Gifted)
3 - Physics (Honors)
4 - American History (AP/Gifted or Honors)
5 - German 2
6 - Health / Free Enterprise
7- Band - Oboe
AFTER SCHOOL - Violin
College - Violin & German
Message Board Post by Me
I notice I seemed like I was taken apart and pushed in the wrong direction when I was younger, like I did something bad… but I'm so good most all of the time, though weird things can happen… It seems to have affected how I look, feel, and live in the world.
Message Board Post by Me
…people in things like band look down on the piano?
It doesn't seem like people who take piano are gonna be a concert pianist because I can't imagine them practicing like it.
People in school band are just there for the ride, they are there anyway and practice as a group, which in turn motivates them to probably practice enough at home to do exceptionally well.
"For Better or For Worse, in Sickness and in Health"
That's funny an older lady I like has me left thinking she says she can take on the world's itch for sex, at least in a group form, because after she does it I think she must feel a ricochet of stimulation against something about it. Does this make sense? Are we better off?
Like, yearn for an adult to coo you about meaning of things in the world, the dosage of mediation will be from her, maybe stemming from over in L.A. or something but not sure. Looking for entertainment? It's been offered in better form possibly but use my relationship with her to do it or things about her that make her who she is otherwise, in a funny way though, should this route be successful actually. I try not to perpetuate it, as it's considered bad and usually not what's pertinent.
Message Board Post by Me
Topic by Me
It's funny how Irish people try to bar off Americans from Germany but the Irish themselves try to appeal how they are not English but more like Germans.
Bored
People keep having weird experiences about me, like I'm left out to be seen as in trouble for things like what they think my ego is like and weird experiences.
Waiting and Watching
People seem to be waiting for something bad to happen to me so I can't enjoy life before they start acting better again.
Feeling Down
I had hit my table when people made me mad, and it seems to have damaged the nerves in my arms and made it harder to play violin.
Nothing to Hope for in the Field
Late Boomers are retiring and taking a back seat to life with their children born in Generation YZ as their priority. They are embarrassed and trying to save the the generation of their children born in Generation YZ and sacrificed the well-being of Generation X for no reason, not letting us feel on top of things like we're on hold but no one ever comes, like to talk to us.
I feel tricked for 15 years kicked out of the kind of music degree I want because I seemed shy they claimed. I was contemplating going into film acting but didn't. I got on pills I could get off of if I live alone, and they make me tired. My mom died and my dad has a terminal illness, so I will just live in a group home, at least for now.
Friday, July 10, 2020
My Problem
So, what's my problem, Orlando? There are a lot of bad people here. Everyone is scared to open up. Central Florida is really under Orlando, like the Florida Mall, and it's nicer. People are nicer and more Floridian. Orlando is still a jewel. It is adorned with theme parks.
Fame?
I know what it was. My fame meant nothing and the older lady I like meant a lot. Supposedly, it was supposed to be good, for all but me.
Something You Ought to Know
Why do supposedly attractive Baby Boomers always lie about what they have to offer and take it away from you?
(continued)
Would you say it wasn't her fault my life is so bad and I'm prevented from having a good relationship with her as otherwise suggested?
A Change of Plans
It's like it was a lie about something I'd get to have a relationship with an older lady I like, but she's busy partying with other people who are older.
Being Right Seems Hard Today = "Ignorance"
Other people don't stand in the right, while they mock me like I don't, but they only suffer if I care about them.
"A Hard Time"
Why are some people encouraged to do things that others are given "a hard time" about? It seemed like the abuse was pretty uniform.
"Gone!"
Generation X just wants to see their generation make a fool of themselves by making fun of them and making "masturbation" material out of them. Then, nothing remains. There is nothing interesting, and people are mistreated. Like, it was like movies only mattered in the early/mid 2000s.
Lucky Late Baby Boomers
It seems Late Baby Boomers had it most ideal at each point of life over others. They just take form and have to have something to say for their age.
"You Can't Stop the Beat"
Who stopped the (classical) music? People are taking advantage of entertainment media. It's like things that meant a lot are just something you can joke about in entertainment media. Then, it's over, somehow. It used to be a way to get attention (classical music and other things.) It's like it all stopped, and all there is is brats and fools on social media. They secretly act like they are dissing others. Maybe, they don't care much about what they're doing.
Mad About Violin
People are mad I can't play violin, but I did want to play at age 6 and said so.
There were other signs along the way, my interest in school music but no violin there.
I had thought I was in trouble because I wasn't allowed to do things I wanted.
I just did piano for fun and eventually liked it because music is beautiful and majored in it.
College Town
I guess I should live in a group home near a college I want to go to. I don't think I want to do online. Sometimes, there's night college for adults. If I go back to Loyola in New Orleans, it might cost a lot, so I dunno.
Thursday, July 9, 2020
Well?
What do people do when it's "18 and out" and they need somewhere to stay in the summer and at Christmas during college holidays, though they and their family don't have money for that?
College
I'm afraid if I did English or Art, I'd become a commercial worker or teacher. Maybe Psychology? though I want to go on and not be a counselor, you know a Doctorate/PhD.
I can do art on the side etc. I still dream of doing something professional in music/violin.
It seems Psychology is more expansive than Sociology. I could still study racism.
College?
I'm thinking of doing English and Violin in college. I want to write stories or play in an orchestra / ensemble/s etc.
My other thought was maybe Psychology or something like Sociology. Whatever it is, I'm hoping for a Doctorate/PhD. I suppose if you have a doctorate in Psychology, you can study to fix problems with how people think. A lot of people teach, too, even Stephen Hawking, a scientist. If you don't want to, I suppose you don't have to. You can meet with people maybe outside the college setting. It seems some people teach because they are raising a family. One of my music teachers said so online.
I suppose a career in science looks mighty attractive.
Oh, and don't forget, art-
What can I do now to get accomplished?
It seems too late for me to be a ballerina. I can go back to music in some way. I was kinda on a roll. I'm good at studying. Should I try that, and am I too old for some of that?
Wondering
I wonder if it was a bad idea to try to see the orchestra from Germany and go to a workshop because it's nice I didn't make it I have all this money.
Also, if I am to really leave, why do I have a hamster? Well, some group homes allow it. It's not supposed to be soon. These hamsters live about 2-3 years, too, and I could give it away if I could find that place, again. I was thinking of returning it after I got it, got it because I liked it so I wouldn't miss the opportunity simply. It escaped, though, after the first night or so. Not sure if it'd be good to bring back now, after running around the garage, which is a bit dirty in some places, though I have attempted to clean it, and it is my room. It seemed to bloat up after that. It feel, apparently, from a low table. I do like it, though. It is good to have, unless it gets in the way of a group home.
I am lucky to be where I am, may graduate with my AA in 1 semester owing nothing. I live in Florida and am going online to The Baptist College of Florida. I just realized this and changed to this program to finish faster. This may open up doors for me. So, there are some things to be thankful for that are going right and the money I get from SSI and probably the 2nd stimulus check I think July 20th. I can save some of it. I won't waste it, hopefully.
The End of a Generation of "Kids" and My Life
It seems like it went from Titanic (1997) or Pirates of the Caribbean (2003) ... to adulthood.
Then, of course, by 2006, everyone went crazy... It died down, in a way, but people still have problems. That's what I see having moved to Orlando because I came home from college and my family moved here partly because of Hurricane Katrina hitting New Orleans and the area. My dad had also gotten laid off years before. We moved here in 2005, and I came home from college more permanently in 2006. I was told I was too shy for my major and didn't know what to do. I wanted to be an actor, but I thought it took sacrifice to get in shape etc. rather than finding my way back into a college. It was tough, and I was tired from some problems and catching up on sleep. It took years, and then I got on pills, a lot for diabetes. The pills make me tired, now, but I could get off them, might take a lot more exercise. They gym closed down during lockdown.
Enabler
Making someone a public figure or making yourself one makes you dibs when you otherwise wouldn't be, depending on if you are popular.
"Raising Hell"
Why was the world of Late Generation X allowed to raise "Hell" about people who give you the warm fuzzies or whatever it is called, like Tim Burton, not really a performer and not really a normal worker, as he's in film and film art. I mean, people think one person will be best and not everyone will get to know them or live with them like their kids... not something I inquire about in such a way but know it's an interesting way to be friendly with others to suggest it, like writing a story.
Opportunity
Did you have the opportunity to succeed in music?
If not, did you find anything else just as interesting to you? I like art and ballet, too. I think my arms are too long to be a cute ballerina... I guess music served as a happy medium, not too serious finding piano, during puberty. I plan to do ballet with opportunity as an adult who's not advanced. It's also necessary therapy as exercise and aesthetic performance. I'm still 34? A lotta people still young in their 50s, considerably today.
"Being Different"
You can be "different" and grouped as "different" with others even if you are more normal than them in ways others are.
Wednesday, July 8, 2020
What's to become of me?
High schools think it's just important to get their students in college, but colleges aren't really safe because the faculty and staff are in the real world.
Tuesday, July 7, 2020
Hidden Treasure
You forgot where pop culture of the late 1990s and early 2000s went, but it went with Pirates of the Caribbean, though I liked it. Maybe, Titanic, too.
Have people finally regurgitated their own mess?
They think 1st violinists are worthless and egotistical? I was cool with the world.
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