Sunday, July 19, 2020
Fishing in America
I guess non-Americans want to be in league with Americans of an older generation. Does that leave me free to move to Europe/Germany?
Working
I've applied for 2 desk jobs, I think as a greeter. I was a greeter for Easter Bunny pictures in 2019, at the mall. It's to support myself in college, like apartment, food, necessities, etc.
Saturday, July 18, 2020
Uh-Oh
I don't like being someone who people once liked only to say wow to someone else and throw me out.
It's like, if you liked me you'll love this person even better, forever.
"Lame Excuse"
It seems like people might be having their kids as not as ideal so they can say they say they had it unfair and take from me.
Friday, July 17, 2020
Thursday, July 16, 2020
Sickening
It's sick how some people get in my business who are up to no good and never talk to or pay attention to me.
Race - All the Same?
People want to treat every person the same according to their non-White race. They think some look too non-White and the ones who are more White should be less White and not good compared to them.
Message Board Post by Me
Topic by Me
We all tie a lot to our past and culture/heritage, gives us all out emotions and hopes. It might seem more pertinent to non-Whites, but, like I said, we all have it. People can go on and on; just mention an ethnicity, and it works. For non-Whites, we all see the world with different kinds of spite for giving us the cold shoulder in ways that don't make sense in specific ways. It's a part of our lives, like it or not, and that's why we talk about it. People don't get in the way of Whites as much as the other way around, as far as I know. It's just that way of ignoring cultures but wanting to suck out the life of what they have that's special, important, etc., those feelings they subconsciously cling to.
"No! No! No!"
I don't want the world to turn into the mentality of my relatives.
I'm not here to be a social slave that hangs out ignored.
Over
I keep thinking the problems will stop one day. I'm guessing I'll take legal action if it follows me when I move out?
Is this true?
So, if you someone is related to you or you're a certain young age you get them as an adult mentor first dibs no matter what you and others do collectively?
I need to talk to people, too, if you do!
How can you figure you're worth something and say if I interact I'm nothing?
Playing Along With the Crowd - Not for Me
It's interesting how people who received a proper education of encouragement in violin growing up know they are slaves to the orchestra and may play "follow the leader." I know the music myself and play "follow the leader" more than most people, instead of going along with the crowd.
Well, what?
So, pretty much an older lady I like brought exploitation and emotional exposure on herself heavily around the earth.
Wednesday, July 15, 2020
What a Joke
I unfairly had to quit my music major, and people think that means I'm nothing and I also forgot about music, but I still have taste. In fact, I've been singing and found a new instrument.
Ignored, Not Talked to Much
People wait to "hear me out" only to try to feel on top of me when I'm "done."
Singled out, Bad Luck
People are trying to say I am worse than everyone else or just one in a crowd, when I think I am just a normal person.
Trap, Used to It
So, first people like to try me out and plan on blaming me, saying something about what I do socially they don't like, and everyone agrees.
"Hard to Get?"
A lot of people work hard to get my attention, but some people I like a lot get distracted and blame me for things socially. What does that mean?
A "Slave?"
So, you need my attention and then you need me to be a slave while you give other people attention?
Ever feel like this?
"When first I saw you,
I saw beauty,
And I blinded my eyes
For fear that I should weep.
When first I heard you,
I heard sweetness,
And I turned away,
For fear of my weakness.
I blinded my eyes,
My face I turned away,
I hardened my heart.
For fear of my ruin."
Tuesday, July 14, 2020
Is this another cry of war?
Scandinavia is being inappropriate. They think we need to baby Germany, when Germany and the rest of the world is supposed to baby the US. Scandinavians are busy there in Europe altering the situation. They might think they did a neat job of it, but what about them they don't have another country further north like they need one to keep them going? Some mixed Scandinavian Germans seem to be assertive and maybe go a little dizzy at some point. At least, I can think of one example, for sure. What's the point? No one is "there for" us. We can't go dizzy like that. That's why people do things like cut themselves and maybe commit suicide in the end for maybe some other reason.
Rude
How rude is it to appeal to someone like they made a small mistake for reasons they don't care about?
Cause of Racism Is Racism
People pretend I'm bad because they're racist and say that means they can be racist to me secretly.
Jesus - Sensitive
Did you ever think of how hard Jesus had it as he was a person and learned to be sensitive enough to do things like tell that Judas would betray him?
Learning Guitar
I have a pink electric guitar.
I am inspired to do sacred music and singing with it.
The piano should make it easy for what I want to do.
I am learning it note by note. I will probably also learn chords, maybe later.
So, it's not plugged in but still works out for me.
My Family Is Torn Apart! and Half Dead
Why are some families acting like they were inadequate and getting shifty with me?
What are you people doing?
Think of all the trouble I have from this. This has been a disgrace and you don't have to all listen to my dad like he told you to do it
Inconvenient?
So, are all the other good people fighting the older lady I like for supposedly doing this, exploiting herself after she said she was against it and would have a relationship of some sort with me? Hey, she has a family, so she's not a recluse.
So...
You can only mess up an older lady I like and not make anyone happy other than that my life is ruined.
"Jesus, I am overjoyed
To meet You face to face
You've been getting quite a name
All around the place
Healing cripples
Raising from the dead
And now I understand You're God
At least that's what You've said
So You are the Christ
You're the great Jesus Christ
Prove to me that You're divine
Change my water into wine
That's all You need do
And I'll know it's all true
C'mon King of the Jews
Jesus, You just won't believe
The hit You've made around here
You are all we talk about
The wonder of the year
Oh, what a pity
If it's all a lie
Still I'm sure that You can rock
The cynics if You try
So if You are the Christ
You're the great Jesus Christ
Prove to me that You're no fool
Walk across my swimming pool
If You do that for me
Then I'll let You go free
C'mon, King of the Jews
I only ask things I'd ask any superstar
What is it that You have got
That puts You where You are?
I am waiting, yes, I'm a captive fan
I'm dying to be shown
That You are not just any man
So if You are the Christ
Yes, the great Jesus Christ
Feed my household with this bread
You can do it on Your head
Or has something gone wrong?
Why do You take so long?
Come on, King of the Jews
Hey, aren't You scared of me, Christ?
Mr. Wonderful Christ
You're a joke, You're not the Lord
You are nothing but a fraud
Take Him away
He's got nothing to say
Get out, You King of the, get out
Get out, You King of the Jews
Get out, You King of the Jews
Get out of my life"
Music Appreciation
People traditionally trust I have the organ, but I at least have an inspiration from it.
Quote
"EVERY TIME I LOOK AT YOU I DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why you let the things you did get so out of hand
You'd have managed better if you'd had it planned"
Why you let the things you did get so out of hand
You'd have managed better if you'd had it planned"
"Personal Space"
Why are people trying to affect my life in ways that are none of their business? If they are held back and don't do some things,is up to them and not of my fault if gone wrong.
Detectives
Early Generation X is like a baby thermometer. Oh, is it 1991, is it 1997... Just forget the children who are already born?!
Monday, July 13, 2020
Message Board Post by Me
(film|boards)
I am still interested in that stuff, though I must admit like when I took the driver education classes I didn't look at the blood and to be honest have not seen much.
Yes, I am so sad for my mom's sake. She just got her Master's in Human Resources, I think, at a high ranked college. Her Bachelor's in Indonesia was ESL and later here International Relations I think. She was born in 1959 and was only 59.
I don't know if it interests you, but in Hospice it was touching to see like old black people in the beds, a nice place. I think I remember like one was tall and skinny.
In the hospital, my mom ripped the nose thing from her nose, my dad said when I was sleeping at home. He said she did that and said, "I want to die." She did Chinese and Indian exercise and my dad said talked a lot to the Indian group I think, so she probably died sooner. I didn't even get to give her a last hug, which I have not hugged my parents much my life, after I was in puberty it seems. My mom stopped, and I stopped it seems. I thought my mom would have fun with me that night. Instead, I held her hand when she had to move to clean going to the bathroom, not gross at all.
Thanks so much for your sympathy.
I am still interested in that stuff, though I must admit like when I took the driver education classes I didn't look at the blood and to be honest have not seen much.
Yes, I am so sad for my mom's sake. She just got her Master's in Human Resources, I think, at a high ranked college. Her Bachelor's in Indonesia was ESL and later here International Relations I think. She was born in 1959 and was only 59.
I don't know if it interests you, but in Hospice it was touching to see like old black people in the beds, a nice place. I think I remember like one was tall and skinny.
In the hospital, my mom ripped the nose thing from her nose, my dad said when I was sleeping at home. He said she did that and said, "I want to die." She did Chinese and Indian exercise and my dad said talked a lot to the Indian group I think, so she probably died sooner. I didn't even get to give her a last hug, which I have not hugged my parents much my life, after I was in puberty it seems. My mom stopped, and I stopped it seems. I thought my mom would have fun with me that night. Instead, I held her hand when she had to move to clean going to the bathroom, not gross at all.
Thanks so much for your sympathy.
"Jesus Christ Superstar"
Andrew Lloyd Webber did play organ, as I suspected, so this is good for the church.
The beginning, a little after the middle, and near the end sound like good pre-Baroque music... which music long ago that was more serious/hard maybe or funded was religious.
"Give and Take"
The better it gets, the more they "give and take," take.
Is that my identity? I'm like a trap that sits and waits for its prey! Something must be said of this. Perhaps, you wish there was another, better way, if possible? What would happen if you waited for the prey from someone else? So, if you're good, it's better for more less good people, as you think we are not just different but moral conflicts? So, if anyone else is better, this would happen to them? I think people are all different, and there are plenty of prestigious people we can find, like "Up North." I am considered special in ways I'm not and because people thought they found I believed I was, had an ego, etc., at least secretly on the inside. That's sick and racist.
"Harry Potter"
Andrew Lloyd Webber reminds me of Harry Potter, which is a good thing! well in some ways. ... I just realized they are both English!
I didn't start, you started it.
People keep pretending I start a telepathic fight. I don't even really attack or fight much back.
Ever since...
...I felt in trouble a certain time, which I usually feel for private sorta reasons maybe, the pores on my face got visible, like my parents's! I wonder if I was considered shit because of that... thereon out. Like, I remember for instance an attractive choir director and organ teacher, seemed like she overshadowed me, with her hair bleached white, a newly-millionaire husband, allowed to direct a choir without knowing how to sing and conduct from the organ, got a doctorate in Music in Organ Performance I think ... I had great aspirations and was cordial and entertaining ...
Did you deserve it-
How can Germans be so picky about what others do if they themselves can be so mean?
My Parents
It feels like people won't excuse me for what my parents are like in different ways, though I try to take the best of both when something has to do with them, though I do not believe I am necessarily like them.
Message Board Post by Me
(film|boards)
Topic by Me
Kids? Why or Why Not?
I'm not popular enough like some people that anyone would give a care. I'm also not into this new generation.
Sunday, July 12, 2020
People Who Can't Find
If you're multi-talented and involved in activities in high school, why can't you be successful after, too? It's all about knowing what you want to be young and focusing on that, people who can't find.
Message Board Post by Me
(film|boards)
Topic by Me
How did you get into pop music?
We watched musicals my 1st year of junior high, 6th grade.
I got into Titanic in early 1998, that year, and I was 11 years old.
Of course, the clothes I wore changed. When we left Florida that year, I started wearing women's clothes, like plaid country shirts but not money to get much.
Topic by Me
How did you get into pop music?
We watched musicals my 1st year of junior high, 6th grade.
I got into Titanic in early 1998, that year, and I was 11 years old.
Of course, the clothes I wore changed. When we left Florida that year, I started wearing women's clothes, like plaid country shirts but not money to get much.
As we speak
people are finding new ways to see or pretend to prove me to be a bad person, when I'm really nice and well-behaved, etc.
"Beautiful," Prestigious, Mixed-European, Child-Celeb Girls!
Tiger Woods's Daughter
- Dad -
father - African-American
maternal grandfather - Thai
maternal grandmother - Dutch, Chinese
- Mom -
Swedish?
Johnny Depp's Daughter
- Dad -
English, along with small amounts of Irish, Scots-Irish/Northern Irish, Scottish, Welsh, French, French-Canadian, Dutch, Flemish Belgian, and German, as well as 3/2048 African (1st freed Black woman)
- Mom -
French, 1/64th Italian
Tim Burton's Daughter
- Dad -
father - English, Scottish, German, remote Dutch and French
mother - Norwegian, Swedish, Croatian, possibly German
- Mom -
dad - 50% English
mom - 37.5% Ashkenazi Jewish, 6.25% Spanish, 6.25% likely Irish and French
"Good job!"
I feel like things have turned around. Nothing I do is brilliant to some people or inciting or evoking.
I feel people are getting popular for things I've already done, like how they act and some of how others perceive them.
Is there not enough room in the world for all of us?
Saturday, July 11, 2020
"Something in Common"
Young adults have something in common with teenagers, at least for people in this day and age, my generation, Generation XY, looking with something in common with the age of a teenager I mean.
German Cross Identification
I wonder why Germans and German-Americans have a bone to pick with me racially like I did something when they marry or identify with Scottish, Italians, Scandinavians, etc. It should make sense for them to identify with Scandinavians, pretty easily, if anyone. I probably, besides being 1/2 Chinese/Asian, have French, Dutch, and other things in my changing DNA results. I think my side came from possibly they said someone who had both French and Dutch before marrying German, something that seems like that I mean. What are they really trying to say to the average American about how German they are? I mean all this but not relating to the normal American who has some German some Irish or something.
Coronavirus and Classical Music
It will be hard being interested in classical music with coronavirus, especially as a struggling music student.
Does anything really matter or make sense?
What really matters? Is it a contest to see who "makes it" rather than who deserves it? Like getting positive attention socially.
What I Wish I Did
I took art since my first year of high school for 2 years, Talented Music my 2nd and 3rd year, and Talented Theater my 3rd year; plus, I was in a lot of clubs, like drama, Laureate (creative writing,) etc.
Year 1
1 - English 2 (Honors)
2 - Geometry (Honors)
3 - Biology (Honors)
4 - Career Orientation / Civics
5 - French 1
6 - JROTC 1
7 - Band - Oboe
AFTER SCHOOL - Violin
Year 2
1 - English 3 (AP/Gifted)
2 - Algebra 2 (Gifted)
3 - Chemistry (Honors)
4 - World History (Honors?)
5 - German 1
6 - JROTC 2
7 - Band - Oboe
AFTER SCHOOL - Violin
Year 3
1 - English 4 (AP/Gifted)
2 - Advanced Math / Trigonometry (AP/Gifted)
3 - Physics (Honors)
4 - American History (AP/Gifted or Honors)
5 - German 2
6 - Health / Free Enterprise
7- Band - Oboe
AFTER SCHOOL - Violin
College - Violin & German
Message Board Post by Me
I notice I seemed like I was taken apart and pushed in the wrong direction when I was younger, like I did something bad… but I'm so good most all of the time, though weird things can happen… It seems to have affected how I look, feel, and live in the world.
Message Board Post by Me
…people in things like band look down on the piano?
It doesn't seem like people who take piano are gonna be a concert pianist because I can't imagine them practicing like it.
People in school band are just there for the ride, they are there anyway and practice as a group, which in turn motivates them to probably practice enough at home to do exceptionally well.
"For Better or For Worse, in Sickness and in Health"
That's funny an older lady I like has me left thinking she says she can take on the world's itch for sex, at least in a group form, because after she does it I think she must feel a ricochet of stimulation against something about it. Does this make sense? Are we better off?
Like, yearn for an adult to coo you about meaning of things in the world, the dosage of mediation will be from her, maybe stemming from over in L.A. or something but not sure. Looking for entertainment? It's been offered in better form possibly but use my relationship with her to do it or things about her that make her who she is otherwise, in a funny way though, should this route be successful actually. I try not to perpetuate it, as it's considered bad and usually not what's pertinent.
Message Board Post by Me
Topic by Me
It's funny how Irish people try to bar off Americans from Germany but the Irish themselves try to appeal how they are not English but more like Germans.
Bored
People keep having weird experiences about me, like I'm left out to be seen as in trouble for things like what they think my ego is like and weird experiences.
Waiting and Watching
People seem to be waiting for something bad to happen to me so I can't enjoy life before they start acting better again.
Feeling Down
I had hit my table when people made me mad, and it seems to have damaged the nerves in my arms and made it harder to play violin.
Nothing to Hope for in the Field
Late Boomers are retiring and taking a back seat to life with their children born in Generation YZ as their priority. They are embarrassed and trying to save the the generation of their children born in Generation YZ and sacrificed the well-being of Generation X for no reason, not letting us feel on top of things like we're on hold but no one ever comes, like to talk to us.
I feel tricked for 15 years kicked out of the kind of music degree I want because I seemed shy they claimed. I was contemplating going into film acting but didn't. I got on pills I could get off of if I live alone, and they make me tired. My mom died and my dad has a terminal illness, so I will just live in a group home, at least for now.
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